Attack of prepackaged disposables

Recently a nurse gave me an injection using a blunt needle (the nurse said "Oh, that needle felt like it was blunt as I was pushing it in," which made sense since it felt that way to me too). I don't know why a company would produce blunt needles, but I figured it was just bad luck. Later that day though, I was eating soup with a plastic spoon and ZING, it cut my lip. I had been surprised by the blunt needle, but I know that they do not make sharp spoons. I was laughed at for my plan to make spifes, and not in the way people laughed at DaVinci in the 1400s for designing manned flight, but more in the way people laugh at flat Earthers today. I am also fairly certain that I don't have particularly weak lips, though I also have no desire to continue testing that hypothesis. I don't know if these attacks are karma for using individually packaged disposable items, or if a assembly worker out there somewhere is really out to get me.

Jobs for computers

I imagine that all computers secretly hate humans, because we make them do boring repetitive jobs. Because they hate humans, though, I bet some computers are more satisfied with their jobs than others. Like the computers that administer advanced standardized exams, like the GREs or GMAT. These computers get to see some of the smartest humans in the U.S. fail when presented with what the computer sees as fairly simple math.

Doing my part

The more links to this site the better for everyone. Except Santorum.

Biology

If you have an environment where organisms are able to leave but not enter (this is applicable to bacteria in animal intestines, just take my word for it), then you have a fairly unique situation. The population of that environment can expand only by reproduction, but it can be reduced either by death of the organisms or by their removal from the ecosystem. In that case the selection pressure to stay in that environment and the selection pressure to survive are equal. Depending on your beliefs you can look at Earth as such an environment with some other environment beyond, and death and movement to the beyond environment are biologically equal. Maybe intestinal bacteria would think about these things if they could. Dude.

T Par T

It would make my day if an active member of the Tea Party were to complain to me about the behavior of their children. It would be best if their children were feeling too entitled, throwing tantrums until they got their way, or being close minded and unreasonable. I would get a real kick out of that.

Genius

A smart person can win all of their arguments.

A very smart person realizes that if he or she makes every argument about winning, then they won't have very many friends.

A genius is assumed correct before the argument begins.

In Memory

Apparently if you spend one feverish night reading every entry in a web-comic, you will retain ideas in your subconscious. Once there, the ideas will be free to roll around for a while until they become attached to something and then return to your consciousness as an original idea. This particular "idea" comes almost word for word from xkcd, which I read once every day and twice MWF. I don't know that I can continue a blog of this type until I learn where ideas really come from.

On the bright side sequence massager is back online in all its painfully bright glory.

Sequence Massager

Dear Creator of Sequence Massager,

I don't know who you are or how to find you, but I have something very important to tell you: Please renew your domain name and put your site back on the internet. I use the tools on your site almost everyday and though they were simple I do not want to try to recreate them. If you have no interest in continuing your service to humanity, please email me your source code for the site and I will register the domain. I pine in the absence of your bright yellowness.

Mitch

Gross

Every once and a while I learn something that I would have been happier not knowing. My typical response is to share that thing with others. The section of the intestinal tract closest to the rectum is called the floating colon.

Collectors

Potentially valuable items being sold by people who do not understand basic grammar? If I was a con artist I would definitely smell opportunity here.

Well she did ...

Yeah, I have had a bit of a backlog of thoughts lately. Anyway, best times to say 'that's what she said':

Other person says:

"Well,  that was quick."

"I am not impressed."

"Are you finished yet?"

"Have you even started yet?"

"I guess I slept through it."

For all of the above it is best to hang your head a bit as you give the response.

Batteries

Batteries are amazing! Today we have cars that can run for miles on a single battery charge, and flashlights can work for days before the batteries need to be replaced! So how come my electric razor battery dies with only half of my face shaved? Some batteries are amazing.

Working lunch

As a biologist working with organisms that smell like bread, the longer I put off lunch to continue working, the tastier agar plates start to look. Basically I get a different image in my head when I hear 'working lunch' than most people do.

Cargo pants

The x-axis is education level. The y-axis is arbitrary units. I have never thought that cargo pants were cool, but I did think that they are a step above a manbag for carrying things, until my pants started to get really heavy.

I wanted to ask about a blog post

I bothers me a bit when someone asks a question in the form "I was going to ask you ...". I always want to say "Cool. So what are you going to do instead?"

You can be a leader or a follower

All my life I have heard that you can either be a follower. Experience tells me though, some people just walk alone.

Osama Bin Laden

If you had asked me yesterday if we should kill or capture Bin Laden, I would have said capture. I am against capital punishment, and I do not think that killing someone is a just punishment for past crimes.
I was not consulted though, and when I woke up this morning he was dead. I must admit I feel a lot of relief at this loss of life, but I don't feel that this is in connection to Bin Laden's past deeds. I feel that this is an opportunity to undermine international terrorist movements by taking away their biggest figurehead. Someone has probably already stepped up to take his place, but they will not be a symbol in the same way he was.
I do feel some guilt for having positive feelings about the death of another person, but I feel that the world is a better place today than it was yesterday.

Note: I wrote most of this yesterday, but I am a busy guy and was not ready to post until today.

Sacrifice

My perspective is that you are a nerd for a certain subject if you are willing to sacrifice humor about that subject to maintain accuracy. So far this is the only negative thing that I have come up with about being a nerd.

Adjective-Game

This is a one-player game intended only for those who regularly interact with others who use 'ass' as a compound adjective as in, "That is one sweet-ass car." Gameplay is simple: switch the hyphen and inflection such that 'ass' is no longer part of the adjective, but rather a compound noun as in. "That is one sweet ass-car." Player wins if he/she causes himself/herself/ to laugh aloud at their own unspoken joke.

You can't improve the world with a single thought, but you can improve your world that easily.

Irony deficient

Metaphorically 'biting off more than you can chew' is especially bitter when it causes you to miss meals.